Today marks 3 months in Conner's boots and bar brace. It has not been an easy 3 months. Normally 3 months in them means he is automatically out of the brace during the day but that's not the case for our specific club foot doctor's office. Every other club foot place in America has the 3 month rule but ours. It has been tricky keeping the bitterness from creeping into my mind. We have to wait another few months until Conner is crawling aggressively and pulling up to get to that point and then he will only wear them at night until he's 6 years old. In the beginning of these 3 months, I missed the casts desperately as I was so shocked and unaware of how extremely difficult it would be to do literally everything with Conner with these darn braces and how much it limits us even more so than the casts ever did. That surprised me so much. It made the casts seem so simple. I still miss them after a hard day in the braces. Also factor in how much Conner hates them and how it's harder for him to learn how to crawl, stand, pull up and roll over in.
We never got to wear the cute baby clothes like the footed pjs or anything with a separate shirt and pants (all the clothes we got for him from the baby showers), he doesn't fit in literally every single baby toy and item we bought for him (strollers, bouncers, car seats), and we had to buy 3 versions of high chairs just to find an option for him to fit in and sit comfortably and stabile to eat. We can't take many car rides because he can't wear the brace in the car and the time he's out of them in the car is added on top of the hour he gets free and it adds up to be too much time in one day where the chance of relapse increases. In just 6 hours time, his feet could go back to the way theywere when he was born, even with all this work and surgery done.
I can't find anything but the floor to put him down on to rest my arms because he doesn't fit in anything. I never really got to wear him in the baby wearer. It's all the things you never think of that is so challenging. Not to mention the stares and questions in public and assumptions. I have constant bruises up and down my legs from his bar slamming into my legs when I hold him. He pries the braces off constantly and we have to put them back on over and over.
For the first 2 months I had Cody lift him and carry him as much as possible because I pulled a muscle in my back with the awkward new weight distribution of Conner and how heavy the braces are. The worst part is also the bandaids he has to wear constantly because he always has a big blister that can't heal
. I hate to see him in pain. And the one single hour a day he gets out of the braces that goes by way too fast and how tears are shed from both of us when we have to put it back on. It's hard to even cuddle my baby. I can't help but mourn the experiences I thought I'd have with my first baby and even knowing he'd have club feet. It's so much more than I ever thought. We got fitted for his next brace set because he outgrew this pair so quickly but we fought insurance for weeks and weeks and weeks all while wearing a pair that is way too small and broken. Yes, it completely broke one weekend and we were in an absolute panic.
All I know is bottom line I'm so grateful for modern medicine where Conner's foot could be fixed in 5 weeks and he can eventually walk run and have a normal life which he wouldn't have had otherwise from this genetic birth defect.
I'm so proud of us for making this big 3 month milestone but am trying to accept that we realistically probably have another 2-3 more months in this thing during the day still. Either way, I'm so proud of Conner of what he's overcome already in his life and how well he does including the circumstances. He is a strong little guy. I know it could be so much worse and this is truly not a huge deal but it's not nothing and I have to remind myself that to validate our struggles and accomplishments.
So next up for Conner is phase 3 part two where he is aggressively crawling and pulling up on everything then he moves to just night wear. It could not come fast enough. It is extremely discouraging to see how much further we have to go but in the meantime we have started gymnastics to help strengthen his arms, legs, and core to hopefully get him where he needs to be even faster! I love you Conner James!
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