Career/Personal Development: Crucial Conversations

*Ideas from Crucial Conversations Participant Toolkit VitalSmarts*

Welcome to Career Development,
Crucial Conversations!

Somewhere in our 20's we begin our career for the rest of our life navigating through many new things and areas of our life! This will be a many part series focusing on many different aspect to help grow your career, personal development, confidence, and success! Please enjoy my thoughts and different tips and aspects from career development classes I have attended and books I have read!

Crucial conversations are something we have on a weekly basis whether at home or at work! It is an important skill to be able to communicate effectively to have a successful crucial conversation and where the other party feels like they are heard too.

These are the basic steps to have an effective, necessary, crucial conversation.

1. Start with clear intentions
2. Safe environment
3. Face the problem 
4. Motives
5. Listen
6. Perspective
7. Action plan
8. Practice 

Lets elaborate:


1. Start with clear intentions
Be clear, concise, and up-front stating the problem and/or intention of the meeting. Be consensus not to veer off topic when uncomfortable dialog arises. Never avoid problems; face the elephant in the room. If the conversation becomes emotional, ask to continue the next day and come back with an action plan and a clearer head on both sides. If you ever need help starting a crucial conversation, begin with the 5 essential building block questions: 1.Where are we?   2.What's working?    3.What's not working?    4.What's next?   5. What do you need from me?

2. Safe environment
Make sure both parties feel comfortable in the environment. Both parties have a seat facing each other keeping the door cracked. Have a comfortable posture that is inviting rather than confrontational. If this is an extreme case, even invite your HR manager to join the meeting. Ensure the other person's trust by stating whatever is spoken will be spoken in confidence and will not be shared; focus on building trusting relationships on both sides. Vulnerability is vital in crucial conversations, often, growth can't occur unless some level of vulnerability is shared. Also never have a crucial conversation 1-on-1 meeting longer than an hour. If this is the case, this needs to be broken up into segments.

3. Face the problem
Face the problem head on, don't beat around the bush. You will earn the respect of your coworkers when this is practiced. This shows you realize there is a problem at hand and you care about what the other person has to say and want to fix it. By facing the problem head on, this shows confidence and emphasizes the importance of the matter. Some debate is good but never allow arguing to arise. *If this is a crucial conversation about a promotion or such, disregard this step*.

4. Motives 
Check your motives. This should go without being said, simply be a good person with pure intentions. Don't be a jerk, this will get you nowhere, and if you do, people will learn to resent you in your position of power and intentionally or unintentionally work against the cause. Be a team player; this is your group and if one person hurts, you all hurt.

5. Listen
Learning to listen. As a boss this is EXTREMELY crucial in building your employees trust and ensuring them that what they have to say matters. Comment and address their statements or worries after they are done talking or when there is an appropriate pause in the dialog waiting for you to respond. This skill may be the most powerful tool in gaining trust and solving problems.

If your employee struggles to speak up or feel heard, ask them directly what they need. Empower them to speak up by suggesting you will intentionally ask their opinion in a meeting, or giving social recognition when due. Be their advocate. If you are on the employee side of not feeling heard, ask your boss these questions of how he can help give you a voice in meetings and such.

6. Perspective
Put yourself in the other person's shoes. You can always learn a great amount from another person's perspective and imagining how they might feel in that situation. This will give the insight you need to find a solution that not only benefits you but the other person. And if it's not a quick fix, state that! Be honest and continually work towards a solution together. It may even be an ongoing effort, and that's ok!

7. Action plan
Make an action plan. Nothing can be learned or fixed unless there is a plan to move forward. Bridge that gap of understanding and pave the way together creating steps to fix the problem at hand. Make a clear, concise, and achievable goal together and actually follow through.  Have weekly 1:1's to touch base on the goals and milestones you both set and reach!

8. Practice
Practice makes progress, practice as many conversations or crucial conversations with people you trust such as in your family or your spouse. This will not only help strengthen your relationship but will teach you how to handle tough situations in a smooth successful manner. Conversations with family can be the toughest sometimes, especially when emotions are high and situations are important, so this will be great practice!


I know this is all easier said than done but if you practice on how to effectively have a crucial conversation, it will become second nature and you will have a happy, successful, confident, and fulfilled team!


Love always and best wishes,
Kayla Raborn

5/5/19