Closing out 2021 is so bittersweet. It's probably the first year in my life where I didn't want to leave a year, which is a great thing in my book. 2021 was just that good. Nothing bad happened to us (minus getting covid in February) and so many abundant blessings were bestowed upon us. I am so grateful and don't want it to end. I know 2022 will be even better because baby Raborn will actually be here but I guess out of fear, in the moment right now, baby is healthy, nothing bad has happened to us and I fear that could all change even though I know it won't. But basically everything is ok right now and I want to stay like that for as long as I can even if we didn't move forward which I know is not good. You shouldn't fear the future like that. Life after loss is just so different and difficult to manage sometimes. I know we had a early early loss last time but he/she was just as much our baby as baby Raborn now. At least that's what we believe with our faith. But I'm using my faith to push myself out of that fear and embrace and look forward to the amazing things coming our way in 2022. Our last New Years as a family of 2!
We rang the new year in with our sparkling cider and mom-osas! I don't think I've ever not stayed up to midnight to watch the ball drop. Staying up late is easy to me. Cody and Lucy fell asleep at 10pm though so I had to wake them up for the big event.
I made my first charcuterie board! I'm so proud of myself!!
Lucy was SO scared of all of the fireworks. She stayed buried beneath Cody and I from 8pm-1am shaking.
But here we go 2022! I'm so excited!!
Also our first baby would have been 1 years old today. That is so bittersweet. New Years Eve will always hit a little different for the rest of our lives but I still want to remember and honor his/her little soul. I think about them daily. It's the what if's that kill me. We would have been celebrating his birthday with a little Winnie the Pooh party and we would start trying for baby #2 in one to two months. I recognize this day for that reason because it is part of our life and our story.
Kayla
12/31/21
